bear

The Bearfather

“Yeah, send him in.” The Bearfather said to the pink elephant who was guarding the door to his hidden cave.
As Mr. Wolf entered the small dimly lit room he noticed that Papa Bear had a disappointing look upon his face.
“Sit down, Mr. Wolf.”
“Okay, Boss.” Mr. Wolf said in a shy, but nervous voice. He knew he screwed up on his assignment, but what’s worst was he didn’t know what kind of punishment he would receive.
“Listen,” The Bearfather started. “I hired you because I liked the way you handled those two little misfits who were stealing candy off the witches house. She’ll always be in your debt.
But my job for you was simple. All you had to do was follow Little Miss Riding Hood and find out where she gets her supplies.”
“But Boss, I looked in the picnic basket, there was nothing there but sandwiches.” Mr. Wolf tried to explain.
“Did you happen to look under the sandwiches? That’s where she was keeping all the honey. You messed up big this time, not only did you fail to follow her, but you went ahead and ate her dear old grandmother.”
“I couldn’t help it. Some days I get a carving for more than just porridge.”
“The only good thing about this is you did well at hiding the evidence.”
“They don’t call me the 'Big Bad Wolf' for nothing, you know.” He said proudly.
“Look, don’t get cocky, Humpty thought the same way you did. Now look at him, the cops grabbed him and broke his crown.”
“Take it easy boss, besides the grandmother was just an old whore who was pimping sheep with Little Bo Peep.”
“You idiot.” The Bearfather became angrier. “That old whore was our only connection on the inside. What, do you think honey just grows on trees? I’m just happy the giant isn’t still alive to see this.”
Mr. Wolf remembered what happened to the giant. It was such a tragic day for the Family. “I heard that ‘Rat’ Jack got twenty years.”
“That whole thing was a mess. I had all the King’s men out there trying to clean up that courtyard. The beanstalk alone crushed two houses, almost three, if the third wasn't made out of brick.”
“So, boss. What’s going to happen with me?” Mr. Wolf wanted to know how bad is punishment would be. He could only guess the terrifying options. “You’re not going to throw me in the pie with the rest of those blackbirds are you?”
“No, no.” The Bearfather reassured him. “Listen, I like you, but sometimes your stomach gets in the way of the job. I’m going to do you a favor and forget that this whole event took place.”
“Thank you, Bearfather, thank you.”
“For now, I have a more important job for you.”
“What Bearfather? Anything you need, I’m your Wolf.”
“Good, because last night a girl with golden lox try to make a play for my son. She was fooling around and telling him how everything felt just right. Then she slipped out the back and down a rabbit hole. We think she maybe up to no good, your job is to find her and bring her back. Don’t stop to talk to anyone, especially that dope-smoking caterpillar, he’s nothing but trouble.”
“Yes, Bearfather. It will be done.” Mr. Wolf gave him his word, and before he could exit the cave, the Bearfather said one last thing.
“And Mr. Wolf, if you f*ck up this time, you’ll be sleeping with the Van Winkles.”